How to recognize a mingle-man and when to run!

Part 2 – The Mingle Game

As promised in last week's post, this week I will blog about how to recognize guys with commitment issues and when its time to run.

How come that women are often attracted to guys who have commitment issues? There is something about them that makes us feel vivid and that challenges us! It can be about guys, shoes or jobs. We just tend to want what's not easy for us to have! So it somehow happens that we feel especially drawn to those guys who just want to play around and not pursue something serious. The ride might be fun but in the end those guys drain us of our energy. After learning this the hard way it's smart to watch out for signals. Because even though guys seem complicated; they are not. They actually are very simple; we just have to learn to listen to what they are trying to tell us.

That's how it usually goes:

We meet a great guy. He asks us out. Things go great. No, even perfect! We can talk for hours, laugh at each other's jokes and tease one another. We are head over heels! 

This phase might last from one day up to a couple of weeks or even months. At one point all these fireworks turn into worries and confusion because he starts behaving differently. Then, we usually do the opposite from what we should: We try very hard to get the initial version of him back! When, however, we already missed the signs that told us: 'I just don't want a girlfriend!'

Here are the most common signals:

1. He is not asking us out anymore and we always have to ask him when we will finally meet again. (It totally seems like he just can't wait to see us, right?)
   
   
2. He does not text or call us as often as he used to. (Only few exceptions accepted: accidents, death or serious health problems. Other than that, he totally is able to send us at least one text!)
   
   
3. He says he likes us a lot but needs time. (Believe me, in 99 % of the cases he will eventually tell us that he just doesn't want a relationship now. So better end it earlier because no matter the reason, do we really want to wait for a guy who is not sure that he wants us?!)
   
   
4. When he does not want to talk to us and share personal things. (He might just talk about superficial things that we could chitchat about with a random guy in the bus next to us or he reacts annoyed when we ask him about his friends, parents etc.? Time to run! He does not want us to get close to him.)
   
   
5. He already shows us how self-centered he is. (It is mostly important to him to do what he wants! Hit the gym five days a week or hanging out with friends a lot? If this is more important to him when we just started dating, then he definitely does not want to make space for us in his life!)
   
   
6. He says that he is not sure if he wants a relationship in general. (Very clear signal! The last thing he wants is to put a label on what it is that we're having. It might feel like a relationship but it is the last thing he wants to make official.)
   
   
7. He does not ask us about us or our life. (If somebody wants to be in a relationship with us he wants to know everything about us. Not asking us indicates that he does not want to get too emotionally involved.)

I always hoped that the one I was dating at a time was an exception. There had to be a good reason for his behavior. I thought that there must be a way to help him overcome his fear. Guess what? It never was the case!

Many of these signs apply to guys who are not into us as well. However, guys who show us that they are crazy about us at first and then show some or all of these signals are very likely to be mingle-men. Of course, if he quickly changes his behavior after having gotten into our pants – the answer to his behavior is not mingle-man but 'jerk' who just wanted to get into our pants!

Next week's post will be about: Why we aren't the exception even when we think we are!

Your Janessa